I'd like to start off this blog with an account of my lifehood which reflects my incessant struggle to conquer the miseries that I embraced down the road and the obstacles that still continue to hamper my quest of a pleasant today and a better future. I have a stern belief that as I shall move along with my life, this blog will be replenished with stories of success and happiness inshAllah!
One day if I look back and gather the years gone by, what would that be that I remember? One day I resigned myself to align my memories. The answer came about readily, the days of tremendous joy and acute depressions. And as I write these lines, the words such as “Life is like an ice-cream, eat it before it melts” or “Life is a like a balloon, live it before it bursts” engraved in my autograph book flash through my eyes, the authors of whom were my departing juvenile fellows. These words though lack in intensity, but are pregnant with meaning. The best way to live life is to love life. And life can be loved only when we are able to uncover the truest meaning of our existence before the life narrows down to nothingness.
The days of immense happiness and great depressions have always been deemed as the peak periods of one’s life which may give way to a perfect or a rotten yield respectively. And so our little memory rolls refuse to stockpile anything falling in between. However, apart from days of extremity, there are days when all you wish is to return all the “goodies” of the people which are over-burdening your souls, when you are overwhelmed by the desire of spitting out on their faces that how their multiple-meaning words cut you in the throat as if are machetes and when you want to make them look at their own reflection in the mirror. These are the days when you strongly wish to serve people with a dose of their own medicine. You feel like pouncing on the ones who treat you as if you weren’t born with a heart to feel but only with the head to keep waiting for your time to come. The already malevolent general behaviors seem all the more atrocious. No face brings happiness, no smile fetches solace and no words offer comfort. You walk through the corridors silently and aimlessly considering upon no specific point. You are accompanied by the echo of your own footsteps. The mind wanders giving a re-birth to the long-lost thoughts buried in the deeper compartments of your mind. You are despondent to such an extent that all the inspiration and passion that had once resided so fervidly inside you, turn into a cold pile of ash and all the youthfulness bubbling in your heart settles down.
I have been through days of similar fashion when I wouldn’t like to meet up with the people I had been considering my friends for long, when I just wanted to explode like a volcano and let the toxicity flow out and when I wanted to turn things my way amid the helplessness. I felt as if I am affixed to some stationary point with my life merely lingering on without embarking on any destination or for that matter, destination of my dreams. The vision became too blurred to trace any omens or signs which are usually there to foster your journey of success. I felt immune to all the treatment methods in practice. Ultimate mood swings became a permanent feature of my hood. From the look of things, everything was alike but something within had changed. I couldn’t seize my heart at a particular activity. For once in a while, I wanted to raise above all logic and reasoning. And
what lead me to all this? It essentially didn’t have to be a major failure; it was just that my life couldn’t pick the pace with which my mind was knitting
dreams. It was just that I would fell short to things I wanted and to the happiness I was waiting for. It isn’t really an acute depression phase but merely a mild form of it. It may have the capacity to give way to the intensive depression. But my case is reversed. I encountered the storm first and now I am dealing with the repercussions.
I saw people inside out, things going upside down and times changing. I was so stunned by the spinning of circumstances that I couldn’t help myself from sinking into the ocean of despair. The dreams kept on acquiring momentum while I continued falling down. My efforts bore no fruit and conditions continued to worsen. The conflicts, internal and external, drained me of all my zest for life. I had summed up my life and instinctively waited for a miracle.
But miracles don’t happen just like that. They are followed by a course of incessant hard slog, colossal stumbling blocks and endless patience. It requires heart of a lion and patience of a mother to adhere to your stance and only a stubborn will-power is likely to pull through till the end. It is never pleasant to fall apart, to be spaced out or to feel left out. But what can be done when everything seems so broken? And my tale is even more twisted as I had to go through not one but dual kind of crisis. Not only did I lose on my status but also became a passive receipt of the irony of this not-so-good world. My personality shattered and I am busy collecting my dispersed pieces even today. It is a tough battle for survival but I am fighting for myself and don’t want to quit. There are certain occasions when I am driven by a strong urge of quitting that is when things refuse to revolutionize. But after wandering aimlessly for a while I come back to where I had left and this is how the story of my life continues.
I have come a long way and there is more to go
Twenty years is a long time, you’d realize, had you been in my shoe
