While suffering from an illness, when someone comes over to tell you not to worry and that you are on the road to recovery; you force a fake smile as if conveying a message in secrecy that even though you value the concern and optimism of your well-wisher, your feeble being is so wretched by the tremors of pain that even the distant hopes of recovering does not stimulate the rush of blood in the veins underneath your pale skin.
When you embrace a failure in life, people tell you not to lose heart, to be firm and to keep going with the same spirit. Failures are never nice or easy to accept. Imagine yourself sitting all by yourself on a vacant bench on a sad evening after loosing a third match in the row. An elderly acquaintance walks over, puts his hand on your shoulder to console you that the next match belongs to you for sure and you cannot help but smile a bitter smile because in the hearts of your heart only you know that you tell yourself the same thing over and over before every match.Though I do not disagree with the people who claim that failures are a means of teaching a lesson. And as someone anonymous puts "when you loose, dont lose the lesson".
And another that "I didn't fail, I just found out 20 ways which don't make it to success". However, excessive failure becomes a burden on soul with the consequence that rather than deriving a lesson, you begin deriving bitterness out of it. Sometimes words just fall short of healing your wound.
When you are going through stress and turmoil, when life seems to have closed all its doors on you and when even the slightest spark of hope has been ousted from your life; you often find yourself encircled by some considerate people who try to revive your hopes by telling you constantly that "Times will change, Good times are just ahead of you". These sentences are rephrased; shuffled with synonyms, supplemented with fiery words and enhanced with emotions. And you, you listen to those words with a mind; that is empty and incapable of processing any kind of stirring thoughts, and eyes that stare blankly in the vacuum. At that time, words of that sort, uttered by a bunch of stable and contented individuals seem so illusive. You
cannot turn your back to the fact that those entities must have once gone through an analogous situation, but the obscurity of the dark phase render you so dispirited that even a pile of inspirational anectodes leave you unnerved.
Aforementioned are different shades of life, each of which is intense and at times excruciating. The fact of the matter is that sometimes a blanket of hopelessness envelopes you in such a manner that all the assurances and guarrantees go in vain. But life is not meant to stop. It continue to move on with the strides so typical of life. We smile, we cry, we laugh, we shed tears, but despite of all our apprehensions we never standstill. Nevertheless, "words" preserve rich sources of motivation and uphold a great healing power. Only words, at times, can lighten up one's soul. Life is abstract and regardless of the fact that we lead our entire lives to resolve what an enigma life is, we can never elucidate life in a nutshell. Our definitions of lives are merely reflections of our experiences. The works of different writers, poets, philosophers and people from other walks of life in this respect are undeniably noteworthy but perhaps are sufficient only to summarize a section of it. Our job is to keep living life, to keep lifting our spirits amid the helplessness and fundamentally to continue moving forward. Its not as easy as it sounds, its hard, possibly harder than one can imagine as starting afresh is always harder than execution in the first turn. But we are left with no other option, are we? We have to be through in
any case. Sometimes, sometimes we should stop by and think for a moment to question ourselves if we are being fair to ourselves or have we started to demand so much from life that we have rendered our lives synonymous to depression. Not always the things that we long for so desperately fetch happniess for us. At this point, I am reminded of the lyrics from one of Chris Daughtry's songs, "Home"
"Be careful what you wish for, Coz you just might get it all, you just might get it all".
Monday, August 10, 2009
Saturday, August 8, 2009
Its Time to Let Things Go- Song!
Writing is my passion. And song writing is just a part of it. I'd love to become a song writer one day. I am not a singer neither can I play any instrument . But I love writing songs. And who knows one day they get tranformed into a full fledge song InshAllah:-).
When you cry for no reason
And it happens to you all four seasons,
When nobody hears you screaming
And you get teary eyed when you see others beaming,
When you find yourself at the crossroads
And you know your life is at a threshold
ITS TIME TO LET THINGS GO
When you know what you want
But you know that you cant
When you are sick and tired of your luck gone rotten
Carrying everywhere a heart that is so broken,
When all the faces around become so cold
And you know that the spirits that once resided within have been sold
ITS TIME TO LET THINGS GO
When you try so hard
And still roll back so fast
When you struggle to make things happen
but feel like living in a world, forsaken
When your life is akin to depression
And you are longing for a moment of jubilation
ITS TIME TO LET THINGS GO
When moving on is harder than staying back
When people forget to pay back,
When you get up everyday hoping to have a good day
But encounter dejection straightaway
When you disappoint those you never wanted to
When the guilt inside starts killing for doing so
ITS TIME TO LET THINGS GO
When you wonder if your wounds will ever heal
If you'll get any response to your appeal,
When you cannot take it anymore
And you want to run to a place that is so remote,
When you start beleiving that your dreams have faded away
Hearken to my words and shake these thoughts away
ITS TIME TO LET THNGS GO
When you cry for no reason
And it happens to you all four seasons,
When nobody hears you screaming
And you get teary eyed when you see others beaming,
When you find yourself at the crossroads
And you know your life is at a threshold
ITS TIME TO LET THINGS GO
When you know what you want
But you know that you cant
When you are sick and tired of your luck gone rotten
Carrying everywhere a heart that is so broken,
When all the faces around become so cold
And you know that the spirits that once resided within have been sold
ITS TIME TO LET THINGS GO
When you try so hard
And still roll back so fast
When you struggle to make things happen
but feel like living in a world, forsaken
When your life is akin to depression
And you are longing for a moment of jubilation
ITS TIME TO LET THINGS GO
When moving on is harder than staying back
When people forget to pay back,
When you get up everyday hoping to have a good day
But encounter dejection straightaway
When you disappoint those you never wanted to
When the guilt inside starts killing for doing so
ITS TIME TO LET THINGS GO
When you wonder if your wounds will ever heal
If you'll get any response to your appeal,
When you cannot take it anymore
And you want to run to a place that is so remote,
When you start beleiving that your dreams have faded away
Hearken to my words and shake these thoughts away
ITS TIME TO LET THNGS GO
Wednesday, May 13, 2009
My Mind Speaks...!!
I'd like to start off this blog with an account of my lifehood which reflects my incessant struggle to conquer the miseries that I embraced down the road and the obstacles that still continue to hamper my quest of a pleasant today and a better future. I have a stern belief that as I shall move along with my life, this blog will be replenished with stories of success and happiness inshAllah!
One day if I look back and gather the years gone by, what would that be that I remember? One day I resigned myself to align my memories. The answer came about readily, the days of tremendous joy and acute depressions. And as I write these lines, the words such as “Life is like an ice-cream, eat it before it melts” or “Life is a like a balloon, live it before it bursts” engraved in my autograph book flash through my eyes, the authors of whom were my departing juvenile fellows. These words though lack in intensity, but are pregnant with meaning. The best way to live life is to love life. And life can be loved only when we are able to uncover the truest meaning of our existence before the life narrows down to nothingness.
The days of immense happiness and great depressions have always been deemed as the peak periods of one’s life which may give way to a perfect or a rotten yield respectively. And so our little memory rolls refuse to stockpile anything falling in between. However, apart from days of extremity, there are days when all you wish is to return all the “goodies” of the people which are over-burdening your souls, when you are overwhelmed by the desire of spitting out on their faces that how their multiple-meaning words cut you in the throat as if are machetes and when you want to make them look at their own reflection in the mirror. These are the days when you strongly wish to serve people with a dose of their own medicine. You feel like pouncing on the ones who treat you as if you weren’t born with a heart to feel but only with the head to keep waiting for your time to come. The already malevolent general behaviors seem all the more atrocious. No face brings happiness, no smile fetches solace and no words offer comfort. You walk through the corridors silently and aimlessly considering upon no specific point. You are accompanied by the echo of your own footsteps. The mind wanders giving a re-birth to the long-lost thoughts buried in the deeper compartments of your mind. You are despondent to such an extent that all the inspiration and passion that had once resided so fervidly inside you, turn into a cold pile of ash and all the youthfulness bubbling in your heart settles down.
I have been through days of similar fashion when I wouldn’t like to meet up with the people I had been considering my friends for long, when I just wanted to explode like a volcano and let the toxicity flow out and when I wanted to turn things my way amid the helplessness. I felt as if I am affixed to some stationary point with my life merely lingering on without embarking on any destination or for that matter, destination of my dreams. The vision became too blurred to trace any omens or signs which are usually there to foster your journey of success. I felt immune to all the treatment methods in practice. Ultimate mood swings became a permanent feature of my hood. From the look of things, everything was alike but something within had changed. I couldn’t seize my heart at a particular activity. For once in a while, I wanted to raise above all logic and reasoning. And
what lead me to all this? It essentially didn’t have to be a major failure; it was just that my life couldn’t pick the pace with which my mind was knitting
dreams. It was just that I would fell short to things I wanted and to the happiness I was waiting for. It isn’t really an acute depression phase but merely a mild form of it. It may have the capacity to give way to the intensive depression. But my case is reversed. I encountered the storm first and now I am dealing with the repercussions.
I saw people inside out, things going upside down and times changing. I was so stunned by the spinning of circumstances that I couldn’t help myself from sinking into the ocean of despair. The dreams kept on acquiring momentum while I continued falling down. My efforts bore no fruit and conditions continued to worsen. The conflicts, internal and external, drained me of all my zest for life. I had summed up my life and instinctively waited for a miracle.
But miracles don’t happen just like that. They are followed by a course of incessant hard slog, colossal stumbling blocks and endless patience. It requires heart of a lion and patience of a mother to adhere to your stance and only a stubborn will-power is likely to pull through till the end. It is never pleasant to fall apart, to be spaced out or to feel left out. But what can be done when everything seems so broken? And my tale is even more twisted as I had to go through not one but dual kind of crisis. Not only did I lose on my status but also became a passive receipt of the irony of this not-so-good world. My personality shattered and I am busy collecting my dispersed pieces even today. It is a tough battle for survival but I am fighting for myself and don’t want to quit. There are certain occasions when I am driven by a strong urge of quitting that is when things refuse to revolutionize. But after wandering aimlessly for a while I come back to where I had left and this is how the story of my life continues.
I have come a long way and there is more to go
Twenty years is a long time, you’d realize, had you been in my shoe
One day if I look back and gather the years gone by, what would that be that I remember? One day I resigned myself to align my memories. The answer came about readily, the days of tremendous joy and acute depressions. And as I write these lines, the words such as “Life is like an ice-cream, eat it before it melts” or “Life is a like a balloon, live it before it bursts” engraved in my autograph book flash through my eyes, the authors of whom were my departing juvenile fellows. These words though lack in intensity, but are pregnant with meaning. The best way to live life is to love life. And life can be loved only when we are able to uncover the truest meaning of our existence before the life narrows down to nothingness.
The days of immense happiness and great depressions have always been deemed as the peak periods of one’s life which may give way to a perfect or a rotten yield respectively. And so our little memory rolls refuse to stockpile anything falling in between. However, apart from days of extremity, there are days when all you wish is to return all the “goodies” of the people which are over-burdening your souls, when you are overwhelmed by the desire of spitting out on their faces that how their multiple-meaning words cut you in the throat as if are machetes and when you want to make them look at their own reflection in the mirror. These are the days when you strongly wish to serve people with a dose of their own medicine. You feel like pouncing on the ones who treat you as if you weren’t born with a heart to feel but only with the head to keep waiting for your time to come. The already malevolent general behaviors seem all the more atrocious. No face brings happiness, no smile fetches solace and no words offer comfort. You walk through the corridors silently and aimlessly considering upon no specific point. You are accompanied by the echo of your own footsteps. The mind wanders giving a re-birth to the long-lost thoughts buried in the deeper compartments of your mind. You are despondent to such an extent that all the inspiration and passion that had once resided so fervidly inside you, turn into a cold pile of ash and all the youthfulness bubbling in your heart settles down.
I have been through days of similar fashion when I wouldn’t like to meet up with the people I had been considering my friends for long, when I just wanted to explode like a volcano and let the toxicity flow out and when I wanted to turn things my way amid the helplessness. I felt as if I am affixed to some stationary point with my life merely lingering on without embarking on any destination or for that matter, destination of my dreams. The vision became too blurred to trace any omens or signs which are usually there to foster your journey of success. I felt immune to all the treatment methods in practice. Ultimate mood swings became a permanent feature of my hood. From the look of things, everything was alike but something within had changed. I couldn’t seize my heart at a particular activity. For once in a while, I wanted to raise above all logic and reasoning. And
what lead me to all this? It essentially didn’t have to be a major failure; it was just that my life couldn’t pick the pace with which my mind was knitting
dreams. It was just that I would fell short to things I wanted and to the happiness I was waiting for. It isn’t really an acute depression phase but merely a mild form of it. It may have the capacity to give way to the intensive depression. But my case is reversed. I encountered the storm first and now I am dealing with the repercussions.
I saw people inside out, things going upside down and times changing. I was so stunned by the spinning of circumstances that I couldn’t help myself from sinking into the ocean of despair. The dreams kept on acquiring momentum while I continued falling down. My efforts bore no fruit and conditions continued to worsen. The conflicts, internal and external, drained me of all my zest for life. I had summed up my life and instinctively waited for a miracle.
But miracles don’t happen just like that. They are followed by a course of incessant hard slog, colossal stumbling blocks and endless patience. It requires heart of a lion and patience of a mother to adhere to your stance and only a stubborn will-power is likely to pull through till the end. It is never pleasant to fall apart, to be spaced out or to feel left out. But what can be done when everything seems so broken? And my tale is even more twisted as I had to go through not one but dual kind of crisis. Not only did I lose on my status but also became a passive receipt of the irony of this not-so-good world. My personality shattered and I am busy collecting my dispersed pieces even today. It is a tough battle for survival but I am fighting for myself and don’t want to quit. There are certain occasions when I am driven by a strong urge of quitting that is when things refuse to revolutionize. But after wandering aimlessly for a while I come back to where I had left and this is how the story of my life continues.
I have come a long way and there is more to go
Twenty years is a long time, you’d realize, had you been in my shoe
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