End of Road?

I had always known that it would be a tough battle. But how much tough was a question I never gave serious consideration to. How could have I known the scale of intricacy that I was destined to embrace?I always lived by the belief that eventually I'll embark on the destination of my dreams. In the labyrinth of unbeffitting times, I kept adorning my imagination with fantasies. But to say life is strange is an understatement. Today I have opportunities but alongside a powerlessness to turn them into success. In my attempt to give meaning to my life and to make it constructive, I now feel I am losing it all! My ambitiousness urged me to partake in everything that I could have an access to and today I am hanging in between, I feel I have authority in none. I am just ordinary in everything I do! Infact, the prevailing circumstances are suggestive of the fact that I have pretty much messed up everything.Ambitiousness and reluctance is an odd combination! And I am a beholder of such an inapt combination. As the rule of the world goes by, I have a fair share in contributing to this self-decline. However, regardless of how hard I try I am unauthorized in modifying the situation. It seems impossible to get myself out of this mess. But I am a stubborn soul. No matter how many times I have clinched failures and have experienced embarrassment, I have never quit the voyage of self-discovery. In retrospect, I have encountered all the setbacks a typical individual normally doesn’t. On the contrary, my list of achievements is not as much notable. There is nothing extraordinary in it,that a normal individual won't get. I admit that I am being a little ungrateful in acclaiming my achievements but really the catalog of my collapses is much more comprehensive and extended. And I keep introducing new additions.Oh Lord! Let me get a grip on the circumstances. I am in a dire need of peace of mind. Why does it keep getting worse? Phew! I need to fall in love, with myself that is! How can I start trusting my abilities? When will the clouds of uncertainty be a part of the past? Will I ever enjoy the luxury of an anxiety-free life? A life that reveals confidence and poise. O Almighty Allah! Let me be in the driving seat of my life for once atleast!

The torture (self-torture) has already transcended my withstanding limits!