A Pleasurable Toil!

I have been waiting for this moment to come along for a long, immeasurable length of time when under the custody of murky clouds wrapped up in acute darkness, a gush of breeze would gently stroke the quiet leaves which would shiver and in turn generate a sweet hum, suggesting an unlikely imagery as if a naughty puff of air has whispered a pleasurable news to which the leaves respond by dancing merrily; I, myself, would be sitting in a silent corner of my house engrossed in my personal favorite game of playing with words. I have waited tremendously to once again experience the joy of aligning words in the arrangement of my own, to give words the life of my choice and to celebrate the elation of creating something new. And now as the moment has approached, the words seem to outrun me every time. Funnily, my situation relates to the very famous, Tom and Jerry cartoon series. Like Tom, I persistently keep on running behind the Jerry, my words :D. For a fraction of a second, I am tricked by a false impression that after an uphill struggle they have finally fallen under my charge, but this delusion happens to be only short-lived as I am pushed to run further miles on the mindfield in the pursuit of my Jerry(read words). How I wish I could stockpile a catalog of captivating words in a lamp, like that meant for a genie and would get it all by simply rubbing the lamp just like Genies. Nonetheless, this menacing toil has an unspeakable pleasure of its own. The eternal happiness lies in the piece of writing that you know solely belongs to you! :=)

INTERMISSION!

I can’t even remember how many times, I must have uttered the four-word-sentence ‘I don’t have time’. These words share such a profound bond with my tongue that they just slip off my tongue where required without the necessity of contemplating. Apparently, running short of time has become second to our nature. Where the fast-paced mechanized life is to be blamed for this urgency, I believe, somewhere down the line lays our tiny share of mistakes too. Now, the question is worth asking, that where are we mistaken? We are mistaken for surrendering our lives in the pursuit of a future that we don’t know will arrive in what apparel? We have deadlines to meet, conferences to attend and chores to be done. Sometimes, we are so caught up with one task, that the other is sacrificed. In this rampant race of killing tasks, there is little hope of finding time for our heart-pleasing activities. Hence, little adventure and little hope in our lives. For most us, the dreams that we long to pursue are different from what we do daily. Hence, let alone claiming our dreams, we are not even given the space to work towards our dreams. It accounts for a complicated situation and this is where ‘dejection’ begins grabbing its roots. But the solution lies at our very own hands. That is, whenever, wherever we get time, let us just not waste in facebooking or any-other stuff that we do daily to relieve our minds. The strategy should be to devote such times to the activities that would satisfy our souls and grant peace to our minds.

Being a university student myself has lead me to an intense mechanized life. However, prior to university life, even college life was always compact. Thus, if we keep sitting, waiting for the time, when we shall be finally free to cater to our heart’s desires, I am afraid this is not going to happen before we settle in our old age. Its been long since I wrote a song, filled a page of my diary, posted a new entry in my blog or wrote to any newspaper. I haven’t even started with many things, that have always been on the top of my priority list. ‘Some day’ I tell myself daily, I would accomplish these small goals set for myself. Waiting in line, are my finals that are due from 4^th of August. I have been sacrificing sleep to meet all the deadlines of the semester work. In between, many a times, I wanted to engage myself in photography, give myself a new look, bring small changes in my room, read a book or write something but an hour of facebook and an hour of music, and then I get back to my work. I have been dreaming high, flying in the sky. When I look at people, living the life they wanted to, I say to myself ‘why not me’. I don’t know how it worked for them, it was luck or their passion. But for myself, I am now gradually realizing that before achieving ‘big dreams’, we should materialize small dreams, which are at our hands. I have suddenly become conscious that we waste so much of our time in delaying our targets. Life is so uncertain. You can never tell what tomorrow brings. So, the life well-lived today is the best life :).

There is no best recipe of living a life, because everyone has a different perspective and a different idea of a ‘dream lifestyle’. Celebrity life-style may seem appealing but can be very precarious. Thus, we need to first define our goals to ourselves and then we should execute our small efforts in their line of direction. The idea is not to achieve world-fame, but to be sure that you are contributing your bit to the world and living the life you want to. The conditions will never be favorable, they seldom are. But our little efforts to establish our little goals will give us endless happiness. Just like out of my busy schedule, I took out time to write this entry, I am sure taking out time for other things that my heart is set at would make me more happy. As it is said, ‘time is never there, we HAVE to take out time ourselves’. Hence, lesson of the day

‘Take out time to do things that are closest to you, that will make you happy so that you may start living the life, you always wanted to J’

So, as my pieces of writing always end up in a positive note. I, once again, make a commitment to myself to accomplish all my little goals once I get back after my exams InshAllah. Even during this period, whenever I'll find time, I'll do what pleases me in the long run :). And this time I am serious :) (InshAllah)

Wrecked-Sleep!

At each dawn; the rush, the panic and the scuttle wakes me up from my reluctant slumber. The demons of anxiety haunt me in my ever shrinking sleep, dancing naked in the motion picture playing inside my mind. All the unfulfilled promises made to self and all the unmet deadlines gyrate in my mind in the form of a violent and ferocious tornado, the intensity of which abates the peace of my mind. That does not by any means, however, exclude my unequivocal love for sleep. As soon as my head hits the fluffy and malleable pillow, the anesthesiting sensation takes its toll and in most cases I don’t even bother to put up a battle against this intoxication, such is the pleasure it unfolds. Minutes, seconds and not even milliseconds am I able to count when I am already unconscious meandering through the corridors of another world. It is not solely the sweetness of its intoxication that enthralls me but alongside the prospect of terminating my unpleasing thoughts and postponing my long-lasting despair , which otherwise are potential sources of a complete wreckage, that makes me an avid sleep lover. And then at times, there are beautiful dreams to accompany you through the night. I have had some highly unusual yet thrilling dreams to entertain me during and after sleep, the accounts of which I still narrate to people. But damn it, I seemed to have lost the delight of this alluring blessing ever since I drenched myself in the sea of “responsibilities”. It is not that I have turned into an insomniac. No! Thankfully I am currently at a distance of several yards from it. However, the sense of forgetfulness and unawareness that would triumph over me in the past has now departed. Now, even though my body sleeps but my mind awakes. I twist and turn through the night stirred by the nightmares that have become so frequent now. Several times I get up, glance at my watch, panic at the thought of time running out, make quick mental notes and then plagued by the guilt of my unfinished chores finally go back to sleep.
This is not a sleek business. It is weighing me down. I wish to get that peaceful and contented sleep back. For once in my life-time I want to surrender myself to sleep with the surety that I have met my day’s commitments, just for once atleast!

The Glam World!

It is intricating to handle stardom. Because beyond the seeming world of glint and flamboyance, lies a different world altogether . A world that showcases naked reality, a world which is unsympathetic and cold and a world where there are no smiles to fake and no beautiful lies to sale. Hidden behind those splendid and posh outfits are broken hearts and wounded souls. Underneath those layers of make-up are the lines of aging, testifying the epochs of struggle and the fables of agony, that grows incessantly with each passing day.Fame sure comes in a package, a taste of success with different flavours of bitterness. You feel like drowning in the sea of love, that people have for you. Every move that you make and every word that you say makes headlines. For a beginning, its fun but then it becomes a displeasure. It is not human to carry the heavy weight of criticism with a big smile on your face, to let people invade your privacy and still welcome them and to live by the thought that every moment of your life is under the scrutiny of the devilish media. Fame and money; no matter how powerful, are still insufficient to buy eternal happniess. All of us wish to live life like a celebrity, but in this world nothing comes for free. With all the joys, come pain and with fame comes great challenges.Micheal Jackson bade an unexpected farewell to this world. Timeless music doesnt come around often, when it does your remember, even if you are a fan or not. MJ was one such musician and a dancer, yet his life is full of tragedy that ended up in a tragic manner too. MJ is an icon, so was Elvis Presley who too expired in a distressed manner. The portions of love that these icons were showered with were exceedingly overwhelming. But who knows the trick to battle against fate? And today I see, another star emerging on the music scene of America; Adam Lambert. Yes! He has the talent and the starpower.He has all the media-attention, the fan following and the celeb appreciation. But the question lingers, can he handle the stardom successfully, provided people already have found reasons to defame him?

The thought of world-wide fame is overwhelming yet scary. Your life doesn't solely remains yours, it becomes a public property.This world is such a mystery. You lose, you are broken. You win, you are pierced! There must be a way in between. Maybe, you just have to learn to be happy with what you have; instead of waiting for good times to come or repenting on the things you lost. Life is just like that!

These are "Small" things that make "Big" Impacts!!

What a pleasure! I am reading a book now-a-days which does not happen to be a typical novel rather a motivational, directional, understanding and compelling handbook. When I first saw it in the book shop, I was instantly fascinated and decided to buy it at that very moment.I started off by reading its first chapter and then I found myself so engrossed partly in the hectic routine of my university and partly in my laziness that the book became just an endornment of my bookshelf. Sometimes during phases of extensive studies, I would take out the book, flip through its pages and start reading from wherever I felt like, read 3 to 4 pages and then put it at the same place from where I took it. I always told myself that one day, I'll read it. Not only this book, but there are some more lying on my bookshelf, waiting for me to turn to them and hounour them by reading them :=D.I love reading. But then why there are books pleading to be read in my bookshelf? The reason being that the digital, electronic and fast paced life displaced my focus from books. There are simply joys of life, for instance, going for a walk, reading a good book, watching a cute movie, trying your hand on cooking,baking a cake, writing a page of your diary, listening to a nice song, cleaning your room, calling an old friend, visiting a bookshop, buying a new book or a small bracelet, chattering with your family, viewing old pictures, collecting anything of interest, reading your old diary, writing or making something creative (no matter how small), getting a smile from someone unexpected, giving little surprises to others and the list goes on. But with the dawn of the age of electronics, we are sort of alienating ourselves from these little joys of life. I, myself, have been so much into computer, internet, orkut and now facebook, listening to music that all the other things seem to have left out. A number of people still read a lot of books, watch a lot of movies and perhaps listen to hell lot of a music, but what about other things?
We are always going after "big things" for seeking happiness. "Only if I could attend that concert, would I get some fun rolling in my life", "Uh! I think I need to go on some hillstation to give myself a break from all my worries", "I need that outfit badly, I'll look stunning in it", "I want those branded joggers badly or else I'll never be happy", "I need to form a band,its the coolest thing now-a-days","I look so outdated without hair dying, I must get one as soon as possible", "I am dying to get that cell phone with all the goody features or else I'll be left out amongst my freinds". It sounds like a life plagued by a negative sort of a competition, which does not make us happy rather drags our happiness to more materialistic things. We need to incorporate little reasons of happiness in our lives that are enlisted(and even those that are not) above to make our life worth living. You maybe a gold medalist but what if you don't have little good memories, what will you enjoy in your old age? A good life is an amalgamation of different and learning experiences and not a trail of wealth, medals, fame or success. You must go about and realize your dreams but also experience these little joys of life. To enjoy life, you dont need to have so many bugs, a great mansion, a flashy car, a popular repute, the most expensive clothing, the coolest gadget; you just have to have an attitude of a cheerful person and willingness to try out new but simple things. Teach yourself to find simple pleasures and then extract happiness from them. If you don't have an access to one thing, you can seek pleasure in somethig you have intead of depressing yourself over things, you don't have.

I have been seeking happiness in music alot. But now I realize that it accounts for an imabalance on my part. I should tryout all the things I mentioned before, many of which I used to before the onset of massive electronic life.I do not blame electronics for our destabilization. Infact, its the matter of our own choice that has gone off the beam.
So, I'll help myself and get back to those little joys of life. And so coming back to the book I was reading, its called "7 Habits of Highly Effective Teenagers" and no its not a book that tell you to become famous, wealthy and cool in a matter of 100 days, infact it teaches you how to stabilize your life. It understands that as a teenager or a young person there are goals on our minds, ambitions in our hearts and desires in our wants; it deals these matters in a friendly way. I was somehow depressed when I went to the shelf and grabbed the book. And now I feel lighten up because this book has addressed the issue of time management(which usually is a massive problem and my problem too) in a friendly and yet effective manner. Though, I havent really started acting upon the plans it offers but I hope I will because afterall it will be all for my own good. However, one thing more that I liked about the book is that it somehow helps you get rid of an obsession of being over-ambitious. We just wreck our life by running a rampant race after our dreams. Ofcourse we all need to nourish and materialize our dreams, but centering our lives only around them is like demolishing yourself, ruining your life and keeping yourself deprived of the little joys of life. I would like to accomplish my goals of becoming a good person, a good muslim, a good professional and ofcourse many more and it will happen one day InshAllah, perhas steadily but it WILL inshAllah.So live life and don't forget to do the small things that may brighten up your day and consequently your life :=). Getting yourself busy in healthy activities is the best stress reliever :-)

A Peaceful Pakistan, Just a Dream?

You must have felt for the love lost, the dreams abandoned and some tragic accident; but you must have never felt the urgency of survival like the way I and thousands of youngsters in my nation feel today. Its more painful than the love gone wrong, more fierce than the dreams shattered and more wild than a tragic accident. Perhaps what I am talking about is clearly understood by the millions of Kashmiris, Bosnians, Palestinians, Afghanis, Iraqis and the list goes on; who have been subjected to a similar kind of threshold, though by different quarters!

And today the world debates that this is the fallout of our own actions? Can anyone please explain what offense those nursery-rhyme learners have committed who can't even spell the word "terrorism" correctly at this juncture of their lives?

However, I don't disown the notion that we have been pushed to the dark end of this tunnel by the ruling class of our very own. And today the whole nation is bearing the brunt of the leader's negligence and callousness. As in other countries, the youth of Pakistan is ambitious, frivolous and diligent too. But owing to the prevailing situation, they have been forced to shut themselves down in homes. They are perfectly normal and impeccable as you are and they own a heart too!Then why o why, are they branded as terrorists? There is only one thing all Pakistanis are asking for, a peaceful Pakistan. The youth of Pakistan has a sole demand i.e that they want to return to their normal lives with no threats hanging in their minds.Is it too much to ask?May Almighty Allah pull us out of this situation soon. Ameen!

End of Road?

I had always known that it would be a tough battle. But how much tough was a question I never gave serious consideration to. How could have I known the scale of intricacy that I was destined to embrace?I always lived by the belief that eventually I'll embark on the destination of my dreams. In the labyrinth of unbeffitting times, I kept adorning my imagination with fantasies. But to say life is strange is an understatement. Today I have opportunities but alongside a powerlessness to turn them into success. In my attempt to give meaning to my life and to make it constructive, I now feel I am losing it all! My ambitiousness urged me to partake in everything that I could have an access to and today I am hanging in between, I feel I have authority in none. I am just ordinary in everything I do! Infact, the prevailing circumstances are suggestive of the fact that I have pretty much messed up everything.Ambitiousness and reluctance is an odd combination! And I am a beholder of such an inapt combination. As the rule of the world goes by, I have a fair share in contributing to this self-decline. However, regardless of how hard I try I am unauthorized in modifying the situation. It seems impossible to get myself out of this mess. But I am a stubborn soul. No matter how many times I have clinched failures and have experienced embarrassment, I have never quit the voyage of self-discovery. In retrospect, I have encountered all the setbacks a typical individual normally doesn’t. On the contrary, my list of achievements is not as much notable. There is nothing extraordinary in it,that a normal individual won't get. I admit that I am being a little ungrateful in acclaiming my achievements but really the catalog of my collapses is much more comprehensive and extended. And I keep introducing new additions.Oh Lord! Let me get a grip on the circumstances. I am in a dire need of peace of mind. Why does it keep getting worse? Phew! I need to fall in love, with myself that is! How can I start trusting my abilities? When will the clouds of uncertainty be a part of the past? Will I ever enjoy the luxury of an anxiety-free life? A life that reveals confidence and poise. O Almighty Allah! Let me be in the driving seat of my life for once atleast!

The torture (self-torture) has already transcended my withstanding limits!