The Glam World!

It is intricating to handle stardom. Because beyond the seeming world of glint and flamboyance, lies a different world altogether . A world that showcases naked reality, a world which is unsympathetic and cold and a world where there are no smiles to fake and no beautiful lies to sale. Hidden behind those splendid and posh outfits are broken hearts and wounded souls. Underneath those layers of make-up are the lines of aging, testifying the epochs of struggle and the fables of agony, that grows incessantly with each passing day.Fame sure comes in a package, a taste of success with different flavours of bitterness. You feel like drowning in the sea of love, that people have for you. Every move that you make and every word that you say makes headlines. For a beginning, its fun but then it becomes a displeasure. It is not human to carry the heavy weight of criticism with a big smile on your face, to let people invade your privacy and still welcome them and to live by the thought that every moment of your life is under the scrutiny of the devilish media. Fame and money; no matter how powerful, are still insufficient to buy eternal happniess. All of us wish to live life like a celebrity, but in this world nothing comes for free. With all the joys, come pain and with fame comes great challenges.Micheal Jackson bade an unexpected farewell to this world. Timeless music doesnt come around often, when it does your remember, even if you are a fan or not. MJ was one such musician and a dancer, yet his life is full of tragedy that ended up in a tragic manner too. MJ is an icon, so was Elvis Presley who too expired in a distressed manner. The portions of love that these icons were showered with were exceedingly overwhelming. But who knows the trick to battle against fate? And today I see, another star emerging on the music scene of America; Adam Lambert. Yes! He has the talent and the starpower.He has all the media-attention, the fan following and the celeb appreciation. But the question lingers, can he handle the stardom successfully, provided people already have found reasons to defame him?

The thought of world-wide fame is overwhelming yet scary. Your life doesn't solely remains yours, it becomes a public property.This world is such a mystery. You lose, you are broken. You win, you are pierced! There must be a way in between. Maybe, you just have to learn to be happy with what you have; instead of waiting for good times to come or repenting on the things you lost. Life is just like that!

These are "Small" things that make "Big" Impacts!!

What a pleasure! I am reading a book now-a-days which does not happen to be a typical novel rather a motivational, directional, understanding and compelling handbook. When I first saw it in the book shop, I was instantly fascinated and decided to buy it at that very moment.I started off by reading its first chapter and then I found myself so engrossed partly in the hectic routine of my university and partly in my laziness that the book became just an endornment of my bookshelf. Sometimes during phases of extensive studies, I would take out the book, flip through its pages and start reading from wherever I felt like, read 3 to 4 pages and then put it at the same place from where I took it. I always told myself that one day, I'll read it. Not only this book, but there are some more lying on my bookshelf, waiting for me to turn to them and hounour them by reading them :=D.I love reading. But then why there are books pleading to be read in my bookshelf? The reason being that the digital, electronic and fast paced life displaced my focus from books. There are simply joys of life, for instance, going for a walk, reading a good book, watching a cute movie, trying your hand on cooking,baking a cake, writing a page of your diary, listening to a nice song, cleaning your room, calling an old friend, visiting a bookshop, buying a new book or a small bracelet, chattering with your family, viewing old pictures, collecting anything of interest, reading your old diary, writing or making something creative (no matter how small), getting a smile from someone unexpected, giving little surprises to others and the list goes on. But with the dawn of the age of electronics, we are sort of alienating ourselves from these little joys of life. I, myself, have been so much into computer, internet, orkut and now facebook, listening to music that all the other things seem to have left out. A number of people still read a lot of books, watch a lot of movies and perhaps listen to hell lot of a music, but what about other things?
We are always going after "big things" for seeking happiness. "Only if I could attend that concert, would I get some fun rolling in my life", "Uh! I think I need to go on some hillstation to give myself a break from all my worries", "I need that outfit badly, I'll look stunning in it", "I want those branded joggers badly or else I'll never be happy", "I need to form a band,its the coolest thing now-a-days","I look so outdated without hair dying, I must get one as soon as possible", "I am dying to get that cell phone with all the goody features or else I'll be left out amongst my freinds". It sounds like a life plagued by a negative sort of a competition, which does not make us happy rather drags our happiness to more materialistic things. We need to incorporate little reasons of happiness in our lives that are enlisted(and even those that are not) above to make our life worth living. You maybe a gold medalist but what if you don't have little good memories, what will you enjoy in your old age? A good life is an amalgamation of different and learning experiences and not a trail of wealth, medals, fame or success. You must go about and realize your dreams but also experience these little joys of life. To enjoy life, you dont need to have so many bugs, a great mansion, a flashy car, a popular repute, the most expensive clothing, the coolest gadget; you just have to have an attitude of a cheerful person and willingness to try out new but simple things. Teach yourself to find simple pleasures and then extract happiness from them. If you don't have an access to one thing, you can seek pleasure in somethig you have intead of depressing yourself over things, you don't have.

I have been seeking happiness in music alot. But now I realize that it accounts for an imabalance on my part. I should tryout all the things I mentioned before, many of which I used to before the onset of massive electronic life.I do not blame electronics for our destabilization. Infact, its the matter of our own choice that has gone off the beam.
So, I'll help myself and get back to those little joys of life. And so coming back to the book I was reading, its called "7 Habits of Highly Effective Teenagers" and no its not a book that tell you to become famous, wealthy and cool in a matter of 100 days, infact it teaches you how to stabilize your life. It understands that as a teenager or a young person there are goals on our minds, ambitions in our hearts and desires in our wants; it deals these matters in a friendly way. I was somehow depressed when I went to the shelf and grabbed the book. And now I feel lighten up because this book has addressed the issue of time management(which usually is a massive problem and my problem too) in a friendly and yet effective manner. Though, I havent really started acting upon the plans it offers but I hope I will because afterall it will be all for my own good. However, one thing more that I liked about the book is that it somehow helps you get rid of an obsession of being over-ambitious. We just wreck our life by running a rampant race after our dreams. Ofcourse we all need to nourish and materialize our dreams, but centering our lives only around them is like demolishing yourself, ruining your life and keeping yourself deprived of the little joys of life. I would like to accomplish my goals of becoming a good person, a good muslim, a good professional and ofcourse many more and it will happen one day InshAllah, perhas steadily but it WILL inshAllah.So live life and don't forget to do the small things that may brighten up your day and consequently your life :=). Getting yourself busy in healthy activities is the best stress reliever :-)

A Peaceful Pakistan, Just a Dream?

You must have felt for the love lost, the dreams abandoned and some tragic accident; but you must have never felt the urgency of survival like the way I and thousands of youngsters in my nation feel today. Its more painful than the love gone wrong, more fierce than the dreams shattered and more wild than a tragic accident. Perhaps what I am talking about is clearly understood by the millions of Kashmiris, Bosnians, Palestinians, Afghanis, Iraqis and the list goes on; who have been subjected to a similar kind of threshold, though by different quarters!

And today the world debates that this is the fallout of our own actions? Can anyone please explain what offense those nursery-rhyme learners have committed who can't even spell the word "terrorism" correctly at this juncture of their lives?

However, I don't disown the notion that we have been pushed to the dark end of this tunnel by the ruling class of our very own. And today the whole nation is bearing the brunt of the leader's negligence and callousness. As in other countries, the youth of Pakistan is ambitious, frivolous and diligent too. But owing to the prevailing situation, they have been forced to shut themselves down in homes. They are perfectly normal and impeccable as you are and they own a heart too!Then why o why, are they branded as terrorists? There is only one thing all Pakistanis are asking for, a peaceful Pakistan. The youth of Pakistan has a sole demand i.e that they want to return to their normal lives with no threats hanging in their minds.Is it too much to ask?May Almighty Allah pull us out of this situation soon. Ameen!

End of Road?

I had always known that it would be a tough battle. But how much tough was a question I never gave serious consideration to. How could have I known the scale of intricacy that I was destined to embrace?I always lived by the belief that eventually I'll embark on the destination of my dreams. In the labyrinth of unbeffitting times, I kept adorning my imagination with fantasies. But to say life is strange is an understatement. Today I have opportunities but alongside a powerlessness to turn them into success. In my attempt to give meaning to my life and to make it constructive, I now feel I am losing it all! My ambitiousness urged me to partake in everything that I could have an access to and today I am hanging in between, I feel I have authority in none. I am just ordinary in everything I do! Infact, the prevailing circumstances are suggestive of the fact that I have pretty much messed up everything.Ambitiousness and reluctance is an odd combination! And I am a beholder of such an inapt combination. As the rule of the world goes by, I have a fair share in contributing to this self-decline. However, regardless of how hard I try I am unauthorized in modifying the situation. It seems impossible to get myself out of this mess. But I am a stubborn soul. No matter how many times I have clinched failures and have experienced embarrassment, I have never quit the voyage of self-discovery. In retrospect, I have encountered all the setbacks a typical individual normally doesn’t. On the contrary, my list of achievements is not as much notable. There is nothing extraordinary in it,that a normal individual won't get. I admit that I am being a little ungrateful in acclaiming my achievements but really the catalog of my collapses is much more comprehensive and extended. And I keep introducing new additions.Oh Lord! Let me get a grip on the circumstances. I am in a dire need of peace of mind. Why does it keep getting worse? Phew! I need to fall in love, with myself that is! How can I start trusting my abilities? When will the clouds of uncertainty be a part of the past? Will I ever enjoy the luxury of an anxiety-free life? A life that reveals confidence and poise. O Almighty Allah! Let me be in the driving seat of my life for once atleast!

The torture (self-torture) has already transcended my withstanding limits!

Sweet Dream!

All dreams aren't fragile, some dreams are destined to be realized!

8th October, 2009; The day I finally spoke in Bokhari Auditorium, the prestigious auditorium. Undeniably, it was the day that I had waited for so long ,the day I shall never forget and the day that turned out to be better than I had expected Alhumdulilah. Not only did I open the "House Of Proposition" but also bagged first prize in serious debates Alhumdulilah. And then came around 10th October, 2009. There are times when you dream of a wild dream, smile at your madness and then turn back to your oh-not-so exciting life. But in the midst of these times are such moments that become the pinnacle of your life. 10th October, 2009 too was a day of similar fashion. By a wonderful stroke of luck, one of the two people who was supposed to occupy the stage had to go out. His absence meant that I'll be replacing him, since in rank I came after him. And there, I got a chance to grace the stage which I could only dream to :-). They say when God gives, he gives it in oodles. Likewise, another dream of mine realized as I hosted the show in Urdu :). The dream to host, the dream to prove my proficiency in Urdu too; all realized in a single day Alhumdulilah Alhumdulilah. For this, I am immensely thankful to Almighty Allah.

I had been looking for reasons to be on "high" and I've got some for a long time now Alhumdulilah :). Its a sweet dream!

Boulevard Of Dreams!!

I am walking down the boulevard of dreams which leads to a destiny! A destiny which beholds life-long fullfilment; which would offer the compensation for all that I have swallowed silently, would revamp my motivation and rejuvenate my zest for life. I haven’t yet totally succeeded in shaking off the apprehension that what if it is a mere illusion? What if I am deceived, not by any another soul this time, but by my very own consciousness? But I have chosen not to denounce my hopes. I have never failed to admit that a spark of hope never dwindles in the deep compartments of my heart. Perhaps that is the very reason that, despite of all my rationality, I have always been known as the one who would pay heed to her heart more than her mind.
The tale of my life traces back to 20 years. Yes! Twenty years of variant episodes, from bows of gratitude to fits of depression, from elevating amidst the mob to loosing myself in the malevolent swarm,from tears shed over collapses to smiles smiled over tiny achievements, from being the famous one to not being one, from hope to dejection, from approval to rejection, from gentleness to harshness and from flying in the clouds to counting stars from down there; I have had it all.
Today my life is akin to struggle! I have directed my life to revolve only around me dreams. I am not affording of trusting people anymore, but still I have to. In my journey,I have learned to laugh at my defeats, smile at other's victories and
not to loose heart.
How many times will I have to start from nil? My limbs are desperately thriving for a tangible support. My eyes are longing to see the ultimate realization. I CANNOT QUIT, because it is the call of my heart. I have to keep striving.
Meanwhile, I have to take care that I dont let myself submerge in the sea of depression.Because there is more to life other than achieving dreams:-) and being THE ONE! Ah! I need some space and some other dimensions!

Shades of Life!!

While suffering from an illness, when someone comes over to tell you not to worry and that you are on the road to recovery; you force a fake smile as if conveying a message in secrecy that even though you value the concern and optimism of your well-wisher, your feeble being is so wretched by the tremors of pain that even the distant hopes of recovering does not stimulate the rush of blood in the veins underneath your pale skin.

When you embrace a failure in life, people tell you not to lose heart, to be firm and to keep going with the same spirit. Failures are never nice or easy to accept. Imagine yourself sitting all by yourself on a vacant bench on a sad evening after loosing a third match in the row. An elderly acquaintance walks over, puts his hand on your shoulder to console you that the next match belongs to you for sure and you cannot help but smile a bitter smile because in the hearts of your heart only you know that you tell yourself the same thing over and over before every match.Though I do not disagree with the people who claim that failures are a means of teaching a lesson. And as someone anonymous puts "when you loose, dont lose the lesson".
And another that "I didn't fail, I just found out 20 ways which don't make it to success". However, excessive failure becomes a burden on soul with the consequence that rather than deriving a lesson, you begin deriving bitterness out of it. Sometimes words just fall short of healing your wound.

When you are going through stress and turmoil, when life seems to have closed all its doors on you and when even the slightest spark of hope has been ousted from your life; you often find yourself encircled by some considerate people who try to revive your hopes by telling you constantly that "Times will change, Good times are just ahead of you". These sentences are rephrased; shuffled with synonyms, supplemented with fiery words and enhanced with emotions. And you, you listen to those words with a mind; that is empty and incapable of processing any kind of stirring thoughts, and eyes that stare blankly in the vacuum. At that time, words of that sort, uttered by a bunch of stable and contented individuals seem so illusive. You
cannot turn your back to the fact that those entities must have once gone through an analogous situation, but the obscurity of the dark phase render you so dispirited that even a pile of inspirational anectodes leave you unnerved.

Aforementioned are different shades of life, each of which is intense and at times excruciating. The fact of the matter is that sometimes a blanket of hopelessness envelopes you in such a manner that all the assurances and guarrantees go in vain. But life is not meant to stop. It continue to move on with the strides so typical of life. We smile, we cry, we laugh, we shed tears, but despite of all our apprehensions we never standstill. Nevertheless, "words" preserve rich sources of motivation and uphold a great healing power. Only words, at times, can lighten up one's soul. Life is abstract and regardless of the fact that we lead our entire lives to resolve what an enigma life is, we can never elucidate life in a nutshell. Our definitions of lives are merely reflections of our experiences. The works of different writers, poets, philosophers and people from other walks of life in this respect are undeniably noteworthy but perhaps are sufficient only to summarize a section of it. Our job is to keep living life, to keep lifting our spirits amid the helplessness and fundamentally to continue moving forward. Its not as easy as it sounds, its hard, possibly harder than one can imagine as starting afresh is always harder than execution in the first turn. But we are left with no other option, are we? We have to be through in
any case. Sometimes, sometimes we should stop by and think for a moment to question ourselves if we are being fair to ourselves or have we started to demand so much from life that we have rendered our lives synonymous to depression. Not always the things that we long for so desperately fetch happniess for us. At this point, I am reminded of the lyrics from one of Chris Daughtry's songs, "Home"
"Be careful what you wish for, Coz you just might get it all, you just might get it all".

Its Time to Let Things Go- Song!

Writing is my passion. And song writing is just a part of it. I'd love to become a song writer one day. I am not a singer neither can I play any instrument . But I love writing songs. And who knows one day they get tranformed into a full fledge song InshAllah:-).

When you cry for no reason
And it happens to you all four seasons,
When nobody hears you screaming
And you get teary eyed when you see others beaming,
When you find yourself at the crossroads
And you know your life is at a threshold

ITS TIME TO LET THINGS GO

When you know what you want
But you know that you cant
When you are sick and tired of your luck gone rotten
Carrying everywhere a heart that is so broken,
When all the faces around become so cold
And you know that the spirits that once resided within have been sold

ITS TIME TO LET THINGS GO

When you try so hard
And still roll back so fast
When you struggle to make things happen
but feel like living in a world, forsaken
When your life is akin to depression
And you are longing for a moment of jubilation

ITS TIME TO LET THINGS GO

When moving on is harder than staying back
When people forget to pay back,
When you get up everyday hoping to have a good day
But encounter dejection straightaway
When you disappoint those you never wanted to
When the guilt inside starts killing for doing so

ITS TIME TO LET THINGS GO

When you wonder if your wounds will ever heal
If you'll get any response to your appeal,
When you cannot take it anymore
And you want to run to a place that is so remote,
When you start beleiving that your dreams have faded away
Hearken to my words and shake these thoughts away

ITS TIME TO LET THNGS GO

My Mind Speaks...!!

I'd like to start off this blog with an account of my lifehood which reflects my incessant struggle to conquer the miseries that I embraced down the road and the obstacles that still continue to hamper my quest of a pleasant today and a better future. I have a stern belief that as I shall move along with my life, this blog will be replenished with stories of success and happiness inshAllah!

One day if I look back and gather the years gone by, what would that be that I remember? One day I resigned myself to align my memories. The answer came about readily, the days of tremendous joy and acute depressions. And as I write these lines, the words such as “Life is like an ice-cream, eat it before it melts” or “Life is a like a balloon, live it before it bursts” engraved in my autograph book flash through my eyes, the authors of whom were my departing juvenile fellows. These words though lack in intensity, but are pregnant with meaning. The best way to live life is to love life. And life can be loved only when we are able to uncover the truest meaning of our existence before the life narrows down to nothingness.
The days of immense happiness and great depressions have always been deemed as the peak periods of one’s life which may give way to a perfect or a rotten yield respectively. And so our little memory rolls refuse to stockpile anything falling in between. However, apart from days of extremity, there are days when all you wish is to return all the “goodies” of the people which are over-burdening your souls, when you are overwhelmed by the desire of spitting out on their faces that how their multiple-meaning words cut you in the throat as if are machetes and when you want to make them look at their own reflection in the mirror. These are the days when you strongly wish to serve people with a dose of their own medicine. You feel like pouncing on the ones who treat you as if you weren’t born with a heart to feel but only with the head to keep waiting for your time to come. The already malevolent general behaviors seem all the more atrocious. No face brings happiness, no smile fetches solace and no words offer comfort. You walk through the corridors silently and aimlessly considering upon no specific point. You are accompanied by the echo of your own footsteps. The mind wanders giving a re-birth to the long-lost thoughts buried in the deeper compartments of your mind. You are despondent to such an extent that all the inspiration and passion that had once resided so fervidly inside you, turn into a cold pile of ash and all the youthfulness bubbling in your heart settles down.
I have been through days of similar fashion when I wouldn’t like to meet up with the people I had been considering my friends for long, when I just wanted to explode like a volcano and let the toxicity flow out and when I wanted to turn things my way amid the helplessness. I felt as if I am affixed to some stationary point with my life merely lingering on without embarking on any destination or for that matter, destination of my dreams. The vision became too blurred to trace any omens or signs which are usually there to foster your journey of success. I felt immune to all the treatment methods in practice. Ultimate mood swings became a permanent feature of my hood. From the look of things, everything was alike but something within had changed. I couldn’t seize my heart at a particular activity. For once in a while, I wanted to raise above all logic and reasoning. And
what lead me to all this? It essentially didn’t have to be a major failure; it was just that my life couldn’t pick the pace with which my mind was knitting
dreams. It was just that I would fell short to things I wanted and to the happiness I was waiting for. It isn’t really an acute depression phase but merely a mild form of it. It may have the capacity to give way to the intensive depression. But my case is reversed. I encountered the storm first and now I am dealing with the repercussions.
I saw people inside out, things going upside down and times changing. I was so stunned by the spinning of circumstances that I couldn’t help myself from sinking into the ocean of despair. The dreams kept on acquiring momentum while I continued falling down. My efforts bore no fruit and conditions continued to worsen. The conflicts, internal and external, drained me of all my zest for life. I had summed up my life and instinctively waited for a miracle.
But miracles don’t happen just like that. They are followed by a course of incessant hard slog, colossal stumbling blocks and endless patience. It requires heart of a lion and patience of a mother to adhere to your stance and only a stubborn will-power is likely to pull through till the end. It is never pleasant to fall apart, to be spaced out or to feel left out. But what can be done when everything seems so broken? And my tale is even more twisted as I had to go through not one but dual kind of crisis. Not only did I lose on my status but also became a passive receipt of the irony of this not-so-good world. My personality shattered and I am busy collecting my dispersed pieces even today. It is a tough battle for survival but I am fighting for myself and don’t want to quit. There are certain occasions when I am driven by a strong urge of quitting that is when things refuse to revolutionize. But after wandering aimlessly for a while I come back to where I had left and this is how the story of my life continues.

I have come a long way and there is more to go
Twenty years is a long time, you’d realize, had you been in my shoe