At each dawn; the rush, the panic and the scuttle wakes me up from my reluctant slumber. The demons of anxiety haunt me in my ever shrinking sleep, dancing naked in the motion picture playing inside my mind. All the unfulfilled promises made to self and all the unmet deadlines gyrate in my mind in the form of a violent and ferocious tornado, the intensity of which abates the peace of my mind. That does not by any means, however, exclude my unequivocal love for sleep. As soon as my head hits the fluffy and malleable pillow, the anesthesiting sensation takes its toll and in most cases I don’t even bother to put up a battle against this intoxication, such is the pleasure it unfolds. Minutes, seconds and not even milliseconds am I able to count when I am already unconscious meandering through the corridors of another world. It is not solely the sweetness of its intoxication that enthralls me but alongside the prospect of terminating my unpleasing thoughts and postponing my long-lasting despair , which otherwise are potential sources of a complete wreckage, that makes me an avid sleep lover. And then at times, there are beautiful dreams to accompany you through the night. I have had some highly unusual yet thrilling dreams to entertain me during and after sleep, the accounts of which I still narrate to people. But damn it, I seemed to have lost the delight of this alluring blessing ever since I drenched myself in the sea of “responsibilities”. It is not that I have turned into an insomniac. No! Thankfully I am currently at a distance of several yards from it. However, the sense of forgetfulness and unawareness that would triumph over me in the past has now departed. Now, even though my body sleeps but my mind awakes. I twist and turn through the night stirred by the nightmares that have become so frequent now. Several times I get up, glance at my watch, panic at the thought of time running out, make quick mental notes and then plagued by the guilt of my unfinished chores finally go back to sleep.
This is not a sleek business. It is weighing me down. I wish to get that peaceful and contented sleep back. For once in my life-time I want to surrender myself to sleep with the surety that I have met my day’s commitments, just for once atleast!
