An Engimatic Phenomenan!

Years go by; we learn to stand after falling and come to realize that we would fall again someday and that thevicious cycle would continue sometimes in a wavering and sometimes in an unwavering pattern. Now, this statement happens to assert no landmark in the world of philosophy and is a rather very clichéd speech made in most of the literary works. Yet, Life still remains an unfathomable, enigmatic phenomenon! Why one fall isn’t enough to grieve over? Yet we feel obligated to uncover Pandora’s Box at each fall. Conventionally, it is believed that for a human, it is easier, infact, less painful to let things go that are seemingly arduous rather than to tirelessly hold onto them and make repeated attempts to grab them. I do not conform to this idea. While this maybe true for many people, the majority, I believe, suffers from the dilemma of holding onto things for a prolonged period of time. The intention here utterly is NOT to discourage persistence but to inculcate a sense of realization that not all choices of life are designed to be within the grasp of our hands. Like a failing fish without water, us the humans, keep struggling against the strong currents of time. Fate is architecture; God may have bestowed upon us the liberty to model or remodel it, yet the most skilled and authoritative architecture tool lies within the confinement of God’s sovereignty. Sometimes, sometimes we need to let things go, to let loose ourselves to be able enjoy other blessings of life which are always there, which may not be too loud or ostentatious in their presence, but will sure leave a huge void in our lives when not there anymore. One scoop, two scoops and three scoops of an effort and you know you have done your part; but still withdrawal seems a risk, a risk that just might lead-up to a life-long regret. And the apprehension of this regret pushes us to keep daunting any thoughts of withdrawal; neglecting what we are losing in the process, neglecting what misery we are willingly afflicting our lives with. Regrets usually arouse for things that were never attempted, for things attempted, the regret-factor must be eliminated for once and for all. What if we finally get to where we wanted, but even then our inner self refuses to feel contented and resolved? Success is perceived to be a relative term. However, when the equation is applied to our respective lives, we tend to use the same constant that was used in the others’ life, choosing to ignore our individuality and hence ending up with a wrong formula and with a very wrong situation. Some things are not meant for us. However, this should not keep us from trying and transforming our dream-bubbles into the setting of reality. Stagnation or struggle can last for a long time, but not forever. Chances are we will find a new equation, chances are we will not fall-apart (as opposed to our fears) and chances are we will find new destinations. We just have to give way to risks. But as I said, it is an enigmatic phenomenan!

A Pleasurable Toil!

I have been waiting for this moment to come along for a long, immeasurable length of time when under the custody of murky clouds wrapped up in acute darkness, a gush of breeze would gently stroke the quiet leaves which would shiver and in turn generate a sweet hum, suggesting an unlikely imagery as if a naughty puff of air has whispered a pleasurable news to which the leaves respond by dancing merrily; I, myself, would be sitting in a silent corner of my house engrossed in my personal favorite game of playing with words. I have waited tremendously to once again experience the joy of aligning words in the arrangement of my own, to give words the life of my choice and to celebrate the elation of creating something new. And now as the moment has approached, the words seem to outrun me every time. Funnily, my situation relates to the very famous, Tom and Jerry cartoon series. Like Tom, I persistently keep on running behind the Jerry, my words :D. For a fraction of a second, I am tricked by a false impression that after an uphill struggle they have finally fallen under my charge, but this delusion happens to be only short-lived as I am pushed to run further miles on the mindfield in the pursuit of my Jerry(read words). How I wish I could stockpile a catalog of captivating words in a lamp, like that meant for a genie and would get it all by simply rubbing the lamp just like Genies. Nonetheless, this menacing toil has an unspeakable pleasure of its own. The eternal happiness lies in the piece of writing that you know solely belongs to you! :=)

INTERMISSION!

I can’t even remember how many times, I must have uttered the four-word-sentence ‘I don’t have time’. These words share such a profound bond with my tongue that they just slip off my tongue where required without the necessity of contemplating. Apparently, running short of time has become second to our nature. Where the fast-paced mechanized life is to be blamed for this urgency, I believe, somewhere down the line lays our tiny share of mistakes too. Now, the question is worth asking, that where are we mistaken? We are mistaken for surrendering our lives in the pursuit of a future that we don’t know will arrive in what apparel? We have deadlines to meet, conferences to attend and chores to be done. Sometimes, we are so caught up with one task, that the other is sacrificed. In this rampant race of killing tasks, there is little hope of finding time for our heart-pleasing activities. Hence, little adventure and little hope in our lives. For most us, the dreams that we long to pursue are different from what we do daily. Hence, let alone claiming our dreams, we are not even given the space to work towards our dreams. It accounts for a complicated situation and this is where ‘dejection’ begins grabbing its roots. But the solution lies at our very own hands. That is, whenever, wherever we get time, let us just not waste in facebooking or any-other stuff that we do daily to relieve our minds. The strategy should be to devote such times to the activities that would satisfy our souls and grant peace to our minds.

Being a university student myself has lead me to an intense mechanized life. However, prior to university life, even college life was always compact. Thus, if we keep sitting, waiting for the time, when we shall be finally free to cater to our heart’s desires, I am afraid this is not going to happen before we settle in our old age. Its been long since I wrote a song, filled a page of my diary, posted a new entry in my blog or wrote to any newspaper. I haven’t even started with many things, that have always been on the top of my priority list. ‘Some day’ I tell myself daily, I would accomplish these small goals set for myself. Waiting in line, are my finals that are due from 4^th of August. I have been sacrificing sleep to meet all the deadlines of the semester work. In between, many a times, I wanted to engage myself in photography, give myself a new look, bring small changes in my room, read a book or write something but an hour of facebook and an hour of music, and then I get back to my work. I have been dreaming high, flying in the sky. When I look at people, living the life they wanted to, I say to myself ‘why not me’. I don’t know how it worked for them, it was luck or their passion. But for myself, I am now gradually realizing that before achieving ‘big dreams’, we should materialize small dreams, which are at our hands. I have suddenly become conscious that we waste so much of our time in delaying our targets. Life is so uncertain. You can never tell what tomorrow brings. So, the life well-lived today is the best life :).

There is no best recipe of living a life, because everyone has a different perspective and a different idea of a ‘dream lifestyle’. Celebrity life-style may seem appealing but can be very precarious. Thus, we need to first define our goals to ourselves and then we should execute our small efforts in their line of direction. The idea is not to achieve world-fame, but to be sure that you are contributing your bit to the world and living the life you want to. The conditions will never be favorable, they seldom are. But our little efforts to establish our little goals will give us endless happiness. Just like out of my busy schedule, I took out time to write this entry, I am sure taking out time for other things that my heart is set at would make me more happy. As it is said, ‘time is never there, we HAVE to take out time ourselves’. Hence, lesson of the day

‘Take out time to do things that are closest to you, that will make you happy so that you may start living the life, you always wanted to J’

So, as my pieces of writing always end up in a positive note. I, once again, make a commitment to myself to accomplish all my little goals once I get back after my exams InshAllah. Even during this period, whenever I'll find time, I'll do what pleases me in the long run :). And this time I am serious :) (InshAllah)

Wrecked-Sleep!

At each dawn; the rush, the panic and the scuttle wakes me up from my reluctant slumber. The demons of anxiety haunt me in my ever shrinking sleep, dancing naked in the motion picture playing inside my mind. All the unfulfilled promises made to self and all the unmet deadlines gyrate in my mind in the form of a violent and ferocious tornado, the intensity of which abates the peace of my mind. That does not by any means, however, exclude my unequivocal love for sleep. As soon as my head hits the fluffy and malleable pillow, the anesthesiting sensation takes its toll and in most cases I don’t even bother to put up a battle against this intoxication, such is the pleasure it unfolds. Minutes, seconds and not even milliseconds am I able to count when I am already unconscious meandering through the corridors of another world. It is not solely the sweetness of its intoxication that enthralls me but alongside the prospect of terminating my unpleasing thoughts and postponing my long-lasting despair , which otherwise are potential sources of a complete wreckage, that makes me an avid sleep lover. And then at times, there are beautiful dreams to accompany you through the night. I have had some highly unusual yet thrilling dreams to entertain me during and after sleep, the accounts of which I still narrate to people. But damn it, I seemed to have lost the delight of this alluring blessing ever since I drenched myself in the sea of “responsibilities”. It is not that I have turned into an insomniac. No! Thankfully I am currently at a distance of several yards from it. However, the sense of forgetfulness and unawareness that would triumph over me in the past has now departed. Now, even though my body sleeps but my mind awakes. I twist and turn through the night stirred by the nightmares that have become so frequent now. Several times I get up, glance at my watch, panic at the thought of time running out, make quick mental notes and then plagued by the guilt of my unfinished chores finally go back to sleep.
This is not a sleek business. It is weighing me down. I wish to get that peaceful and contented sleep back. For once in my life-time I want to surrender myself to sleep with the surety that I have met my day’s commitments, just for once atleast!